There’s a song I listen to where the dude says “I want something more than an apology to say when I look the world in the eye”. I’m tired of apologizing to you for going ghost and frankly, if I was actually sorry, I’d probably stop doing it. It’s a pattern though so maybe it’s just kind of baked into who I am. I wrote a song called Work When We Want, Surf When We Want back in 2020 and honestly maybe that’s how it is.
Realistically, this is just my nature. I’ve been the captain of my shit show since the day I dropped out of high school. I’ve been able to fund my life by working odd jobs and have never really conformed to a sense of normalcy. Even now, living the most normal I’ve ever lived, I support it by working as a bike taxi driver. And I own the bike taxi so even still, I work when I want and have no real boss.
This level of freedom has done me a lot of good in life but it admittedly comes with a few draw backs. The biggest of which is the fact that I never actually have to do anything I don’t want to. Sounds cool at first but in life, a lot of the good stuff isn’t easy and takes discipline. I’m not saying that I don’t have any but sometimes I just basically tune out and go do my own thing.
This is multiplied by the fact that I authentically hate social media to my core. You know how fucking bullshit it is for Mark Zuckerberg to be curating the way artists behave? Excuse the self importance here but I feel like art is so much more valuable to society than social media. We have arguably become worse as a species because of this bullshit invention and yet, it’s so interwoven with our lives that if you want to pursue a career in art nowadays you have to take social media seriously.
That’s just gross to me, man. You probably think I’m an idiot for even typing this and that’s completely fair but fuck it, that’s how I feel.
So yeah, sometimes I disappear. I want to stop doing it. Maybe this time I will.
I’ve discovered the pain of not sharing my art is greater than the pain caused by interacting with social media so maybe this time I’ll just play along.