Dropping out of high school and skipping college was my choice. Nobody put a gun to my head and told me to dedicate my life to writing. I’ve made less than $12,000 a year for quite a while now. It’s really only possible for me to even be a full time artist because of vanlife. My living space for the past three years has been 41 square feet while my budget for food has been $7 a day. These limitations don’t usually bother me but yesterday it really took a toll.
One thing that can make the lifestyle intolerable is high temperatures. Yesterday wasn’t the worst but it was definitely bad enough for me to not want to be in my house / vehicle. I tried finding some shade to park under but wasn’t able to locate anything nearby. I only had 1/4 tank of gas too and had to make that last so it wasn’t worth the scavenger hunt. I parked somewhere random then got out and started walking. I was looking for a picnic table or something because I really wanted to write. I ended up walking for at least an hour without ever finding a good spot. In that time period my mood deteriorated. What could I accomplish if I were able to just have a regular place to live? What could I accomplish if I weren’t constantly squaring up with these forces distracting me from creating? Probably a lot but then again, I chose this and that’s ultimately what I landed on.
I could have been a carpenter and earned a comfortable living. I know how hardworking I am. This was a choice and the truth is that I get to write peacefully more often than not. I never feel pissed off because I don’t have the time to do what I love nor do I have to report to someone who has authority over me. I am in control of my existence and use it to create art. I just so happen to live in a world where there isn’t much value placed on that, therefore I’ve got to car camp and eat on $7 a day. What an extraordinary honor that is though. Realizing this I tried to shift gears.
I reflected on the fact that I signed up for this while sitting on a curb in Hollywood. This lack of financial abundance was brought about by me and me alone. If I want more than $7 a day for food then I should get a regular job. Instead though,
so okay then, case closed. Handle the hardship like G and write your songs.